Nightmares

I’m having one of those days where I need to be reminded of what I just said yesterday…it is better to be amused than be angry.

But, I just woke up pissed off, mostly because I had a series of nightmares; it was as if every single one of my deepest fears decided to emerge from my subconscious last night.

~My husband professes his undying love and affection for someone else, but decides that he’ll condescend to stay with me out of obligation

~I am a superhero, but no matter how powerful I am, my nemesis is always more powerful, and beats me at everything

~I am haunted/possessed by some kind of monster/demon

And the worst of them…

~My baby dies right before she is born and everyone blames me for it. Then the doctors proceed to tell me that she’ll have to “fester” in my womb until she just disintergrates, that’s the price I pay for being a bad fetal-caretaker

Aren’t those terrible? And I’m one of those people that can’t shake a bad dream for at least a day afterward.

So my morning is poisoned by the remnants of these nightmares. I want to kill Mike for asking me a simple question about what we were going to eat for lunch.

I don’t know! I’d like to scream, sick of menu-planning and kitchen time. MAKE YOUR OWN LUNCH.

I check my email and it is full of spam and forwards. Why in the world do I give my email address out to anyone?!

Someone takes my primo parking space after I’ve been waiting for it for what seems like hours. You jerk!!! I shout from the privacy of the car. If only you could see that you just screwed over a pregnant lady…!

I scowl at all the happy Whole Foods shoppers when I go grocery shopping. While I’m in line checking out, the bagger girl asks me, quite innocently if I need my shopping cart anymore, ready to whisk it away. Oh you sweet, daft, hippie, can’t you see that I am very pregnant, and not about to carry a bunch of bags out to my car without that lovely cart?

This is all very funny, right? I should be laughing my head off, chanting my own little mantra: It is better to amused than angry. I think God might be laughing at me a little anyway. I might as well join Him, right? Don’t you have days that you feel this way?

And these darned weasels are still sitting on top of the printer. (Please don’t ask.)

I’ll be better tomorrow.

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